“Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.” –Ephesians 6:13
Perhaps it was someone’s words earlier today that cut me (unintentionally of course) or just the quietness of the night, but doubt is here.
“What am I doing wrong? Am I not hearing You correctly? Do I need to wait longer? Did I not pray long enough? Should I have fasted? Are there other disciplines I am missing? Is this even aligning with Your will? Did I get ahead of you again? Should I even be doing this? And lastly, God I am lost”.
-(But am I really?)
These are the questions that have pestered my mind tonight. “Am I lost?” Echoing and leaving me to wonder and wander.. I know my family believes I am. To them, (or at least one person has come forth) I should be in a better place “financially” and “professionally”. I graduated college years ago and have “nothing” to show for it. I am still in the same town I grew up in, at the same job, no house, no “career”, no romantic relationship. I often feel like a failure in the presence of this individual and feel like I am not enough, that I need to be more. So in this person’s eyes I am lost.
And for a moment I believe it. I start seeing everything that I am involved in as a means to hide the truth. I see my exercise regimen, my healthier meal plans, and church as a distraction from the proposed idea that I am lost. So I begin to wonder..
-Why am I doing this?
-Is there a point?
-Should I even try anymore?
And just as doubt starts to gain ground, encouragement comes forth. I am reminded of the randomn texts espressing how my lifestyle has inspired them to incorporate exercise into their routine. I recall Spiritual conversations that have taken place at work (randomny) but from which we have walked away from to revisit on another day. I am reminded of opportunities to serve in my church and spiritual authorities extending their right hand of fellowship to me. So then I am left to wonder, “What is going on? So, I am not lost? I am right where I’m supposed to be? I am hearing from You, right?”
Lately, I have been hearing encouraging words such as, “Singleness is a gift. Speak your Faith not your problems. It’s gonna be worth it”. And at times I think, “Is it?”. If “Singleness is a gift? Why do I feel like I am getting nowhere? Where is the ministry? Where is discipleship? I am not discipling anyone and no one is discipling me. Why am I not being seen? What am I doing wrong? Where are my promises?”. But then I feel this stirred in my heart,
Him: “Why are you limiting me? You’re only speaking from what you can see, your vision is limited. You see with an earthly mindset; I see with a Heavenly mindset”.
–And just like that, Ephesians 6:13 came to mind. Casting out all doubt. The beauty? This all took place in a matter of minutes.
Ephesians 6:13 exhorts the reader to put on the full armor of God and after everything to stand. That’s it just stand. So what does that look like? It means that although it’s beyond our understanding we stand in Scripture. We hold fast to the Truth of His character and Promises in the Bible. If Scripture states He does not forsake us, then we are not forsaken. If Scripture states and illustrates that He is good, then He is good and we need to declare that truth over our life. If Scripture states He has plans to prosper us hand give us a hope and a future than that’s what we need to hold fast to and believe. God never calls us to fight in this verse, but He calls us to stand -stand in faith. Live out our faith day to day and let God take over the rest. He is moving in more powerful ways than we can fathom. He is bringing freedom. He is bringing resolution. He is bringing victory. He hears us and He is faithful.
-That’s the Truth.
I say all this with one purpose: to encourage you. I recently read in one of the blogs I follow, Wonder and Wandering, “Will it be worth it?”. The blog proposes a radical perspective. David had been anointed as King, but what if he never had been appointed? Would it still have been worth it? The proposed answer is yes. A relationship with God is worth it. It’s a relationship based in love not in rewards or outcome. Ironicalky, this thought was also proposed at my church this morning. The pastor used Daniel 3 as an illustration. Meshac, Shadrach, Abednego, and Daniel did not know the outcome but they remained and stood solidly in faith. They were thrown into a furnace and could have died but that thought never deterred them from their faith. And it wasn’t until tonight as these doubts pestered my mind, that I “got it”. I have desires burning deep in my heart, and I believe these desires have become promises in my life, but the fact that I can’t see them unfold in my life right now will not keep me from believing in the One True God. The outcome of my heart desires will not dictate my faith, Scripture will.
So hang in there precious one. To the one believing for an unborn child, to the one whose heart years to spread the gospel in a foreign land, to the one believing for a husband, a partner in ministry, to the one believing for a job, to the one believing for healing, to the one with a recently brokenheart, to the one who feels lost, this one is for you. Remember, in this world you will have troubles but take heart He has overcome the world.
He has overcome.
One day this will not matter. We will be in Heaven rejoicing with the angels singing to the One who fulfills us the One who completes us. I wish I had immediate answers for you; I don’t. But I do know there is One who cares for you, and loves you. Seek Him. Find refuge in Him. Stay steadfast and stand.
My prayer and hope is that you find the peace, strength, and understanding through this post. I appreciate you for reading. I leave you with this song that has brought great comfort to my heart. I pray it will encourage and bless you.
Your friend in Christ,
Song: “Take Courage”