“Let the Past Die” – Title Brought to You by Star Wars: The Last Jedi

Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you we’re bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s” 1 Cor 6:19-20

Hello fellow readers, I know what you must be thinking, “Okay Sari you’ve written some interesting thoughts, but what does Star Wars and the Bible have in common?”. I promise you reader, it will all make sense at the end…hopefully.

So it’s been a while, a long while, and I can honestly say I did not plan on, this, being my first post back from my sabbatical of silence. In fact, I’ve spent an entire year working on what I hoped to be my first blog of 2018 (super excited about the topic by the way, but I digress).

-Where was I?

Oh yeah, I have been editing, revising, and editing this future blog post, but when inspiration strikes, a blogger must write. So, to catch you up, writing has not been the only thing I laid down for almost half a year. Due to a head injury back in March ’17 I also had to lay down exercising. Letting go of lifting and running was not easy for me, but I had to give my body time to recover. It’s been almost a year later, and I am back on the grind!

–“But, am I really?”

You see today, I woke up dark (yes the sun had not risen) and early and made it to the gym! After about an hour of a bosu ball workout and ten minutes of running, I was feeling good! So, I did the one thing I avoid at all costs with the exception of today — I stepped on the scale… and the numbers read .8 more than I weighed in December.

–Shocked, would be an understatement.

Immediately I shook it off and decided to continue with my cool down and stretch. Expectation: Zen. Reality: WAR! I had entered into a battlefield of my mind, the entire 20 minutes engaging in a quiet argument with myself about my goals, routines, and eating habits. The outcome didn’t make sense! “I have reduced my calorie intake and been exercising consistently for the past 3 months, how on earth am I point eight pounds heavier than in December?!”

The more I tried to shake it off, the worst it got. I was jealous of the woman behind me doing her cardio and weights workout, and I’m not a jealous person. I just felt this unshakeable envy of every individual at the gym, and as I saw my reflection in the mirror I despised what I saw (although I actually am smaller in size then in December) I still despised it.

I left the gym crushed and confused. My thoughts swirling like a tornado, I made it home and walked into the bathroom. And that’s when it hit.

The thought came like a still small whisper, “Why are you chasing the past?”

In that moment I realized my frustration was not about the numbers on the scale, It was with the woman staring back at me in the mirror (present) and the one standing at the mirror (past). You see my mentality had been that of two years ago Sari, the one who had just completed her first half-marathon and was learning all about lifting weights. The one who had lost I don’t even know how many pounds because she never stepped on a scale. The one who’s job required for her to be on her feet staying active for the greatest part of her day. The one who was inspired by Stasi Eldredge’s book which conveyed the ground breaking thought: to work out out of love for one’s body, mind, and spirit and not out of shame. My reality wasn’t meeting my mentality, in fact they have been at war with each other for quite some time.

This entire time I have been chasing after two years ago me, and was growing discouraged by 2018 me. So many changes have transpired since 2016 and they have been like a roller coaster, thrilling for sure but intense and fast. I haven’t had a chance to slow down and process everything, once I do I can focus on the present and move forward.

And so I am choosing to, “Let the past die”.

The reality is, I am not at the same fitness level I was in 2016, in fact I am stronger and have gained more muscle so yeah my body composition looks different. My cardio has decreased significantly and with it so has my agility, but instead of chasing the past I can move forward and set new goals, create new workout plans, and focus on my strengths rather than my weaknesses. The most important thing is to remember the verse that started my fitness journey in 2014, “my body is a temple” and as a temple I must care for it, spend time on it, and love it for what it is not for what it could be.

Today, I was reminded of why I started running and exercising, and it was all because of my faith, ministry, and acknowledgement of the epithet above ( 1 Cor 6:19-20). My ultimate goal was not to lose weight, drop clothing sizes, or look slimmer, no, my one and only goal was “Love”. Love God by loving who you are today and taking the BEST possible care of your body, mind, and Spirit.

I share this today because maybe some of these words will resonate with your heart and soul. If they do, I hope this post encourages you and reminds you, “you are not alone”. Many of us experience battles with our self image, but we win the war. The victory is ours! It’s just a matter of our approach. For me the victory is in Christ, my faith, my knowledge, and understanding of the Bible is what keeps me anchored and breathes hope and life. Maybe for you, it will too. All I know is that you were made in God’s image and He loves you dearly because you are here in this moment reading and breathing.

Thank you for visiting dear reader, and remember God cherishes you every day.

— S

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